For You, Not To You
“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” — Byron Katie
I have been asking "why?" a LOT lately. I always jokingly say this is my "why?" season. It almost seems like a curse word when I use it.
Why is this happening to me? Why can't I catch a break?
Why, why, why.
Most times, the why's don't come with an answer. It's natural to have these thoughts and questions. Getting stuck there is the problem.
"When I say life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you; I don't know if that's true. I'm just making a conscious choice to perceive challenges as something beneficial so that I can deal with them in the most productive way."
Of course, this entails the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. Setbacks are everywhere and come up for everyone. So it's not about lying to yourself or pretending that life isn't happening around you. It's more about reframing how you think, thinking of your obstacles and setbacks as happening for your benefit — not your inconvenience. Life happening for me has been an ongoing unlearning and learning concept, so I wanted to share a few things I've learned + been practicing. How to reframe obstacles, ways life is happening for YOUR benefit, and a few phrases I've been drilling into my head.
2 WAYS TO REFRAME YOUR OBSTACLES AND SETBACKS
TEST YOUR THOUGHTS
This has been the biggest one for me. Thoughts and feelings are not facts; challenge them. Who told you this was a setback? Who told you, you failed? Who said this was your only shot? Where are these thoughts coming from? Define setbacks and obstacles and challenge the thoughts that arise for both.
2. REFRAME A SETBACK AS A CHALLENGE
I used to print out rejection emails and save them. Think of life as a continuous learning experience. Consider that there’s no such thing as failure, only feedback.
2 WAYS/ REASONS LIFE IS HAPPENING FOR YOU
1. TO TEACH YOU A LESSON.
Sometimes I catch myself in the SAME patterned situations and relationships. In this case, life happens to me so that it can happen for me. Lessons will repeat until they’re mastered.
2. TO TEST YOU
The game is gonna test you; never fold. -Nipsey Hussle. Life happens FOR you to test your resilience, confidence, and determination, to see if you're ready for what you're asking for.
4 PHRASES TO HELP YOU REFRAME YOUR THINKING
"Perspective counts."
"List the facts."
"Everything is aligning for your growth."
"This is not permanent."
"Better is on the way."
Every no brings you closer to the RIGHT yes.
Every heartbreak teaches you something about yourself
Every obstacle shows you who you are
Every setback offers you another way to do things
When you have the perspective that life happens for you, you can take everything for what it is, breathe and know that everything is aligning for your growth.
"LIVE LIFE AS IF EVERYTHING IS RIGGED IN YOUR FAVOR." - RUMIXO,
S.E. ANTHONY