Set Standards, not Expectations

We all know what expectation leads to-- disappointment, and I absolutely agree. However, I’ve seen a lot of posts and conversations about “not having expectations”, with no mention of an alternative. I mean you gotta have something, right?

Many are making their personal reflections via social media (as I'm sure you've seen). What they're realizing is […entertaining situations having unrealistic expectations usually ends in disappointment.] I mean, I totally get it. We’ve all gone into one or more situations believing the individuals are who they present themselves to be, but they end up falling short and we're left disheartened. Naturally, we want to see the best in others and we expect that they mean well, but after several accounts of being let down we decide it's best to not expect anything. Just let things be, take it one day at a time, and deal with folks accordingly. Which is fine, though eliminating expectations shouldn’t mean eliminating accountability. Time to reintroduce the most vital and often lost piece of the vetting process: Setting standards.

Though I still believe in having realistic expectations, I can see why many of y'all are fed up and over expecting anything from others at all. That's OK, because you can have standards without having expectations. The definition of expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. It’s also a belief that someone will or should achieve something. Standard is the level of quality or attainment. See the difference? Expectations are hopes, placed in the hands of others whereas standards are simply what you demand and are willing to accept. Standards are set to determine whether or not an individual or situation is fulfilling. Setting standards rather than expectations is how you make certain that someone or something is acceptable, without exposing yourself to the risk of discontent. And don't believe the pish-posh, there’s no such thing as having “standards that are too high.” Seriously. Why should you lessen or alter your desires for the sake of someone else? Instead, just deal with those who have no issue meeting your needs. I used to question my standards, and at one point I even lowered them because so many people would say that my standards were too high. Then I realized, those who criticized my standards couldn’t meet them in the first place. A person who can actually offer and wants to give what you ask of them won’t complain. A man who wants to give you attention and be around you won’t call you “clingy”, and a man who cares and takes accountability for his actions won’t call you “crazy.” Remember that.

Setting standards, regardless of what they are, nearly forces others to keep it real (or keep it moving) when dealing with you. That is IF you stick to them. Although you may prefer not to subject yourself to anything (like disappointment) by having expectations, folks should still know that they can either meet your requirements, or hit the road (Jack). Regardless of what people think and say about me, they know that they better come correct or not at all (and don’t come unless I send for you). It took me a while to get here, but honey, I no longer play when it comes to my space. Nope.

Expectations can lead to disappointment, but standards?

They weed out the undeserving with no cost to yourself.

Set standards, not expectations. Once you do-- keep them high, and your head (and heels) higher.

Xx,

B. Sade